2.26.2006 • 5:07 PM

Birds in Shoes

I had to take my rabbit, Oscar Mayer Weiner Cadbury Bunny, to the vet for his chronic foot problem again. I'll spare you the details of the foot infection.

What was amusing is his feet were dyed green from his chlorophyll chips. He's all ready for St. Patty's Day. He looks white & normal on top, then I flip him over for the exam and he's bright green. Luckily, I looked "normal" because the vet has a pair of white birds she treats that get dyed pink & purple for Easter and red & green for Christmas. So much more exciting than the new line of clothes for pets from Target!

The vet said she might need a make a shoe for Oscar. I thought it would be cool to go with his new hat. ;-0 One of the colored birds has to wear a shoe made of those floating pool noodles. I'm not sure if that would work for his huge furry foot, so I'll have to keep an eye our for items to turn into bunny footwear.

2.23.2006 • 9:01 PM

Rabbits with Hats



I'm going to outfit my poop producers with some mighty fine looking hats!

2.22.2006 • 10:57 PM

Poop is not a laughing matter

I need to make a correction to my previous entry. I read the blog wrong and the healthy food did not cause the intestinal cramping. Damn, I was hoping chocolate was good for you. I'm sorry if that upset anyone.

Actually, sugar free chocolate bars can cause HORRIBLE intestinal cramping. I bet everyone on Atkins has made the mistake of thinking that 1 gram of carbs can be OK to eat, so why not 2 or more? Don't do it. I know they may seem tasty, but it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "busting a gut". Just say no.

Speaking of poop, did you hear George W. is excited about "a new fuel source"? At first I thought he meant corn. I sent away for a free corn tshirt a few weeks ago. My bright yellow shirt should be arriving any day. I will wear it with pride and think of Iowa.

But then I read this great story about my favorite city, San Francisco. BUSH MEANS POOP! Oh yes, the headlines were flying today:

"Turning Poop Into Power"
"Green Group Scoops Pooch Poo for Power"
"Puppy Power"
"Fido, Go Produce Some Energy"

Shit, (pun intended) my rabbit's poop is a much better energy source. It's tiny so maybe I could sell it in the mobile market! I could use this myself since my rabbit chewed through my cell phone charger.

Bunny poop is the topic of this awesome children's book, "Perry Poops". I highly recommend it. You know kids love poop. Well, some adults doo, too.

I'd also like to give a shout out to my friend who is getting the Katie Couric treatment tomorrow with a colonoscopy. Thank you so much for AIMing me with details of the prep. Now that's what I call "push technology". I hope everything comes out OK. ;-) But please, spare me the details!!

• 4:16 PM

I moved back here why?

Just about 4 years ago I moved back to Baltimore. Most days I'm happy about it, like when I go to my job I like instead of being unemployed. But then Google shows me the weather forcast.

When I got up this morning, I could barely see as I forgot to put on my glasses. I saw some movement outside. Yup, snow. Driving in today was sorta fun. The flakes looked pretty. I was driving a bit too fast and thought about slowing down, and thought, "hmm, I wonder if it could be icy?" I checked my temperature gauge: 34 degrees. DOH. It's freaking SNOWING out, and I wonder if it could be icy. It was my moment of zen.

Note to self: Drink coffee BEFORE driving.

2.16.2006 • 10:42 PM

Look Who Match Set Me Up With Now!



This dog is just scary. He won the Westminster Dog Show because his head is "perfectly shaped like an egg". Is that a good thing? Should I update my online profile to only see men with egg heads? Perhaps I can weed out undesirables by pointing suitors to this handy graphic:

Click to view larger.

I think the Truncated Octahedron is rather attractive, but I bet a date with a Truncated Tetrahedron would be really exciting. I once went out with a guy who was like the Seinfeld girl who changed dramatically depending on the lighting. It was very unnerving, I couldn't decide if I was attracted to him or repulsed. This could only happen with one of these oddly shaped heads. I'm sure light would reflect quite differently off the different angles.

At the end of my dinner tonight, the sushi/thai restaurant turned into an Asian nightclub and the disco ball turned on. OOOOH, that's what I want. A man with a disco ball head. Now that's hot!

2.14.2006 • 11:25 PM

FINALLY! A blog I can wrap my teeth around!

With the start of the new year, there has been an outbreak of "food journals" that details every piece of food that goes into someone's mouth. And even sometimes, how it's not coming out so well. That is, of course, except for weekends when someone might fall off the wagon. If it's true "you are what you eat" then I'm a delicious "inspired by the outdoors" turtle pecan trail ice cream topped with trix magic shell (see previous entry). Other people are "15 oz of milk, container of yogurt, PB&J on whole wheat bread" multiple days in a row (which causes "intestinal cramping".) Yup, I think that pretty much says who we are.

I had just about lost faith in food journals, until today! Yes, there it is, in
million color, high resolution, the "Google Food Photo Blog"!!!!!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/brettlider/sets/154249/

Look at those mounds of guacamole! Those brightly colored plates! The helmets in the bread basket! (Are those geeky Canadian hotties I spy?!) I HEART GOOGLE & THE FREE FOOD FOR EMPLOYEES, but how on earth are they making $$? Have you ever paid them? I didn't pay a dime when I googled hiccups (see previous entry).

In my past life as a dot commer, I had been laid off for about 6 months when I got to
interview at Yahoo! Oh yes, it was like a journey to OZ. In the middle of closed up
sweat shops, there was the "campus" in all its yellow & purple glory. Even the flowers were only yellow & purple. They had a kick ass food court that was next to several sand pit volleyball courts (my old company only had 1, and we lost it when we upgraded buildings!) I still get a little teary-eyed that I didn't get the gig there.

Oh the food I could have blogged.

Several months later, I worked for a sex toy company (that's right, readers, girlz who like mounds of ice cream know all about those saucy things!! This girl was also personally told by Dr. Ruth to "get my favorite flavor of ice cream & practice on that!"). Burned into my memory were 2 days in a row when my lunches were totally monotone. One day it was yellow: banana and roasted red pepper & corn soup. The next day it was brown: bagel, portabello mushroom soup. I took photos. Because I'm NOT a monotone type of food eatin' gal.

Flash forward, I'm back in Maryland, finally in a job I like, that allowed me to work at home for a week while I was sick. It was there I had that tasty bowl of ice cream that inspired me to write. Sure, that was mostly brown, but it had spunk, and a hard candy shell that was like glue on my bowl.

My rabbit loves to eat. He does a happy dance of joy when I pull out the cilantro. My cats get excited too, even the one who is as skinny as Mary Kate & Ashley. I start salivating at the fresh smell. Now that's life. Life doesn't have to be all big bowls of unhealthy ice cream, but you can throw in some low cal cilanto to spice it up.

So go forth and eat, drink and be merry my faithful readers.

PS- Thanks to Google, I know it's "cilantro".

• 2:00 PM

My Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

• 12:01 AM

Politically Correct

11:59 pm - Will & Grace ends
11:59:30 pm - "Happy Black History Month From Lifetime Television"
12:00 am - Golden Girls

Wow, they got gays, blacks & old folks all in 1 minute of TV! Go television for women!

2.12.2006 • 12:33 PM

Bad Setups

I saw the super fabulous Trixie Little LOVE HURTS: A VALENTINE'S DAY CABARET Show last night. It was fun because 2 of the women from Meetin were in the show! There's nothing like seeing a dancing monkey, kama sutra on a trapeze, and the swinging tassles on the boobs & butt of NYC's Jo Boobs. 4 people from the audience also volunteered (I ALMOST did) and they had to switch clothes! Onstage.

At last night's 7:30 show, the hostess Delores the sexy librarian asked for bad breakup stories. She has a little white dog with pink feather wings, Cupid. While I get terrified speaking in front of crowds, I had to share: I told my story of my bad setup -- Match.com tried to set me up with my brother. I messed with him for a few weeks before telling him it was me. Then when my Mom got remarried a few years ago, at the rehearsal dinner, the waiter handed my brother the check & looked at me & said congratulations. I told Cupid she better start looking elsewhere for me.

My friend "Sprinkles, Queen of the Muffins" (the Flava Flav fan) was supposed to go with me last night, and her bad breakup story was from a Match.com setup too. We were friends for several months before she realized her bad breakup was my brother, too.

After the show, I was talking with my friends who performed in the show. Her friend asked me my name, turns out Match also set her up with my brother!! She heard my story and thought it sounds familiar. I'm an urban legend in Baltimore!!!

A trail of broken hearts!!

But, love wins. My brother has found true love thanks to Match, and her Valentine's Day surprise for him was tickets to the 10pm show!!

We are all just one big Trixie Little lovin' family!

• 11:50 AM

Sly & the Family Stone

4 years ago in SF I got to see Barry Bonds carrying the Olympic torch. I love all Barrys. I also met this random boy who got to carry it, so we reinacted the moment. I want to carry it just so I get a groovy sweatsuit.

I was watching the Olympic Opening Ceremonies on Friday and I was really hoping that the final torch bearer was going to be Sylvester Stallone. It's been a while since we have seen him, and he's Italian. It would have been perfect. He would be no more random than Yoko Ono, Peter Gabriel or Susan Sarandon.

Then today on Yahoo photos, there Sly was like Big Foot in a blizzard.


If you are ever in Philly, I highly recommend doing the Rocky Run. Here's my friend Lizard Martini. I think this was about 1995.

2.11.2006 • 1:25 PM

Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers Dot Com

If you google my name, the image to the left comes up. I think I blogged about this several years ago.

I recently saw Kenny Rogers on some TV show and Kenny Rogers no longer looks like Kenny Rogers. I can't tell if he's botox'd up (like my man Barry Manilow) or lost weight, but he's not looking like Kenny.

I think he needs to pull a Dick Clark & send in one of these replacements.

2.10.2006 • 5:41 PM

Weather Angst

The best copy ever. Calm down, people, it's not the end of the world! Now I'm off to go buy kitty litter, milk, toilet paper and cheesy movies. VL Out.

• 12:30 AM

Elvis Has Left the Building



I was working on a project for a retirement home & I found this mockup of an image for it. The person looks dead, and happy. I was showing it to the guy next to me and I said, "I like it because it reminds me of the 2002 movie 'Bubba Hotep'." (Elvis and JFK, both alive and in nursing homes, fight for the souls of their fellow residents as they battle an ancient Egyptian Mummy -- a must see!)

He said, "I saw that movie last night!"

The King is with me!

2.07.2006 • 3:10 PM

I got some ice cream...

I've been sick for 5 days now with a wicked sore throat. I can't really talk, which has been quite unusual for me. I could go into the mime profession. A few weeks ago, I saw a pair of mime/clown jugglers along with Trixie Little & the Evil Tap Dancing Hate Monkey and an ariel performance of Amelia Earhart. Afterwards there was a chat with the artists, and they had a sign language interpreter. I couldn't stop laughing about the mimes needing this. But apparently there is a market for both mimes & their ASL interpreters, so if my throat doesn't get better I might switch professions. I wonder if there is a Mime College. I know there is a Clown College.

Maybe I will enroll in Clown College. I have developed a love for clowns since my ex is very afraid of clowns. I think this is the funniest thing. He was terrified last year and actually stayed home from work because there was a parade of 850 clowns going by his office.

Now whenever I plan an event with Meetin I like to include clowns to repel him. This is pretty easy. At my bingo birthday party, I saw a guy in a clown shirt. In Ocean City we went into a store with 100 clowns parachuting from the ceiling. Then at Trixie Little we had the sign language interpreted mime/clown jugglers. At the art museum there were several clown like paintings.

Now back to the point of this entry. I went to the store to get meds & ice cream to "heal" my throat. I got Green's Greatwoods Classics Ice Cream - Pecan Turtle Trail flavor. Their tagline is "Flavors Inspired By the Great Outdoors". OK, I know you can find pecans, turtles and trails outdoors, but only 1 of those is an ingredient in the ice cream. It's just silly.

Speaking of Flavors... I ate this while watching "Flavor of Love". My friend Sprinkles, Queen of the Muffins (name changed to protect the innocent) told me how great this show was. It is very funny. Best quote ever: "Flav reminds me of my dad. Cause they are both like clowns. And Flav has gold teeth. So does my Dad."

Now aren't you impressed how all of that ties together?